Based on what the world thought, if only the world knew….

Read, Relate, know you’re NOT alone, hear advice, seek help, Move forward, & Live your life for your little one #Webloomthruit 

Janayia’s Story, 

Janayia was 16 when she found out her life would change. She didn’t necessarily know how or what would change, she just knew change was now destined to come. She’s always heard stories about how girls got pregnant the first time they ever had sex but of course she never thought it would ever happen to her. I mean how could it right? Well that’s exactly what happened and she wasn’t even the least bit prepared. Now before we go into detail (& we will) let’s start with Janayia’s upbringing.

Janayia stems from a loving family. She grew up poor but still had a roof over her head. Her mother always told her to be careful who she trusts or considers a friend because friends will turn on you when it’s beneficial for them. She never really understood that as she was a very social person, that is until IT happened (We will discuss the IT very soon). When Janayia turned 12 there was a lot of changes in her life. She was maturing physically but not so much mentally (meaning she had the mind of a normal 12-year-old kid). Boys at school were always telling her she’s cute and she adored the attention.

She lost her grandmother that year which was very hard on her. Her and her grandmother had a very special bond so this was her first real loss that made her feel broken inside. Then right before she turned 13 the unthinkable happened. As if her grandmothers passing wasn’t already enough to consider the year a bad one, her older brother got shot and he didn’t make it. This broke her and changed her into a different person than she once was. Her brother got set up by people who were supposed to be his close friends and got robbed. When he fought back and was whooping ass one of the guys there that night pulled out a gun, shot and never looked back. She now understood what her mother meant by be careful who she trusts.

At age 14 she really grew into a depression over what had happened when she was 12. She started sneaking out and going to parties. This is when she started experimenting with weed and alcohol. Though at this time she never had sex, people at school started spreading rumors about her. Rumors such as, 

• Janayia had sex with people at that party she’s a whore
• I heard Janayia said she was pregnant and didn’t know who the father was
• Janayia sleep’s around anyone could have her
• Janayia’s been a whore ever since her brother died. That’s how she copes
• Janayia lies about everything she probably never even had a brother

Janayia this Janayia that and the list goes on. Again, this girl never even had sex at this age but you know how rumors go. Once spread, they never seem to ever leave your identity. The rumors really brought this girl down and she now experienced an even lower deeper kind of depression. So bad she needed to reach out medically and get medication for it. When she thought her life couldn’t get much worse, that’s indeed when it did.

At 16 years old, 

Janayia was still much of a party girl at this point. It seemed like the more that rumors and gossip were being spread about her, the less she cared about herself and the usage of weed and alcohol increased just to cope. At the last party she ever attended, she met a boy named Danny. Danny knew all about her from what he had heard about her but didn’t know her personally until that night. He went up to her and introduced himself. He figured from the rumors that she was an “easy target” but didn’t make it seem that way to her. His true intentions, his true colors will later on show.

Danny said what up to her in a flirty way. She thought he was cute and she never seen him before so she had some spirt that he wouldn’t know much about what was being said about her. She said what up back in a flirty way. At this point she was tipsy but she wasn’t drunk. As they starting talking Danny asked her politely if she would like to go for a ride with him. She never felt a bad vibe in fact she had a good vibe so she said sure why not?

They both got in his car and drove away from the party. He asked her where she would like to go. She told him anywhere that’s not in town, 

“I don’t like this town and I just want to have a good night away from all the bullshit”. He asked her, “How about a hotel? We can get something to eat and watch a movie”. The way he phrased it by not referencing sex made her feel comfortable and she thought he was being sincere so she agreed.

They get to the hotel and it’s a beautiful hotel. Sure, didn’t look cheap and there was a restaurant in the building that just made your eyes open wide. Chandeliers and glass tables with blue lights circling the center pieces, it was a rich feeling that she never felt before. After booking a room he told her he wasn’t lying about dinner and that they should go sit down to eat and get to know one another. She smiled and said “I’m down”. They then grabbed a table where he pulled her chair out for her and the two started to engage in conversation. 

The conversation at the restaurant went like this, 

Wow this is such a beautiful place I never been anywhere like this. Oh, you haven’t? No this is beautiful and my life is far from beautiful. Why you say that? You can’t say that I mean look at you you’re beautiful so there’s beauty right there in your life. (This is the first time she has ever truly smiled and felt happy since everything she’s been through)I’m…I’m… (she smirks) I’m sorry (she giggles) no one has ever told me that before. Well I’m here to tell you that so don’t worry about what others haven’t told you yet. (She smiles) So, I gotta be honest with you. Honest about what we just met? (she laughs a stern laugh). I know (he smiles) but I have to tell you that I’ve heard some things about you and I’m not the type to believe that he said she said shit but I just wanted you to know that I have heard things and want to get to know you from you and not from these lames running they mouth about you.

(She sighs sadly) None of that shit is true. They been saying shit about me since I was 14 and don’t know a fucking thing about me or what I’ve been through. (Few tears come out but she holds it together). Listen I didn’t want to upset you and I’m sorry for even bringing that up but if no one believes you just know that I do. (For the first time ever she feels like someone actually cares). I appreciate that. I been through a lot and no one understands me. I’ve lost the only two people that held me together and when my world became broken, when motherfuckers were supposed to be there for me, they dragged me and my name down instead of helping me put all the pieces back together. I never understood why, I never understood what they got out of it but shit drained my soul. It’s okay you got me now I’ll never hurt you.

They talked quite a bit before leaving that dinner table. Every word that came out of Danny’s mouth was pure and sincere. She felt respected, she felt hope, she felt cared about and it made her feel good. After leaving the restaurant they went up to the room. She was a little nervous but more so excited to finally have an enjoyable night. He brought a red striped backpack with him that had liquor in it and asked her if she wanted to drink with him. She didn’t say the words yes but she nodded as if she did.

Drinks started taking over the normal mindset of both of them. Tipsiness turned into drunk and feelings started pouring out. Not so much about each other but about themselves as an individual. With all the drinking and talking between the two there wasn’t much of an urge to watch a movie. They ended up on the bed with the lights dim, colored like a summer evening with music playing very softly. He put his hand on her leg and she felt comfort. He put his other hand below her chin and moved in for a dramatic kiss. This kiss made her feel special with butterflies roaming her stomach. It wasn’t long before kissing turned into touching and touching turned into something a little more than what she had anticipated. 

Everything was just in the moment where nothing else in the world mattered to her. These were new feelings new desires she never once felt before. Before she knew it, she was undressing and letting all of her worries go out the door. The moment soon became intense when she was about to lose the one thing she never lost before, her virginity. That’s when she told him “wait we can’t do this”. He paused and asked her “what’s wrong”. She looked at him with remorse and stated “I never did this before; I want to but I’m scared”. He sat up and said “I believe you baby girl. Don’t be scared I don’t want you to be afraid to open up to something that’s real. We can just chill I would never force you, but if you feeling it let me show you how, let me show you the type of love that will make you feel like a queen. Let me be the one that puts all your pieces back together.” Actions always speak louder than words but his words spoke to her that night. Whether it was the alcohol that intensified her decisions or perhaps her own personal sorrows she caved in and she believed him. All she wanted was to feel special and this is how he made her feel. With that being said, this was the night she officially lost her virginity. 

The next morning, she actually felt happy. She woke up with no regrets feeling as if her life just did a 360 flip. He woke up with kind words then shortly taking her out to breakfast. He soon dropped her off to her friend’s house because this is where her mother believed she was for the night. 

2 Days later,

Two days pass by and she’s starting to feel like something isn’t right. She has texted and called but has heard no response from Danny. At this point she starts worrying that something may have happened to him. I mean the night went so well so why would she think he’s just dubbing her or doesn’t have interest. So she does what any normal female would do. She investigates like an FBI agent but even harder than one. Long story short she finds out he is still alive and okay which only means one thing. He’s ignoring her purposely. Her stomach drops while her heart feels stomped on. She hurts behind closed doors while she screams silently so that the sound doesn’t disturb the peace of others. She wasn’t the type to seek sympathy. It was just another unexpected situation for her especially when she had thought of that night as the best night of her life. When she thought nothing else could be as unexpected as this, life hits her once again with now something to expect. 

1 Month Later,

Janayia is at her worst. She has become numb to everyone including her own family. She still hasn’t heard from Danny since the morning after he took something very special from her. She not only feels broken but she feels angry and stupid for believing someone she had just met. But something feels different to her and she isn’t sure of what’s causing this difference. The past few years Janayia has felt emotional but the emotions she’s feeling right now are a different feeling. These feelings are more intense then she’s ever known. Her breasts feel like a punching bag while her nipples feel like she stuck them in an electrical socket. Her sense of smell has risen to where she can smell a fresh brew of coffee that her mother made in the kitchen all the way in her upstairs bedroom. The weirdest part to her is that she smells the coffee and she actually wants some even though she hates coffee, telling her mother frequently “mom that’s disgusting why you drink that” almost every other day. She’s peeing and sleeping a lot more these days. She doesn’t even know or understand this process she’s going through because it hasn’t hit her yet. Then suddenly it hit her.

She started thinking to herself, “what if I’m pregnant? I can’t be pregnant. I only had sex one time in my entire life and he pulled out. OMG what am I going to do?” First thing that came to her mind was Google. She did research on pregnancy symptoms and couldn’t believe she had every single symptom. Her period was always irregular so it never crossed her mind about being pregnant until she did her research. So, without telling anyone she went and bought a pregnancy test. She got home and spent 45 minutes in the bathroom contemplating if she even wanted to take the test. She bought the digital one so that it can tell her in words whether she was pregnant or not. Although she was scared it was time to do it and her exact words were “Fuck it Ima pee on this bitch here goes nothing”.

Her hearts beating with more suspense than a Law and Order episode. She’s focused on the stick, the stick that keeps showing dots which is only making the situation even more suspenseful. She closes her eyes until she feels that the device is displaying an answer. She opens her eyes and her stomach suddenly feels nauseous while her mouth drops. Results show she’s pregnant.

A Week Later,

She hasn’t told anyone yet and she doesn’t even know what she’s going to do. She feels horrible about herself and doesn’t have the slightest idea on who she should tell, what she should do, or how she should go about this pregnancy. She didn’t want to tell her parents until she felt she was ready to. Not knowing if it was because she wanted to hear his voice one more time or if she just wanted him to know what was going on, she decided to try and contact her baby’s father. 

This is how the conversation went,

The Text Messages

9:30pm –“So I know you don’t give a fuck about me I’m aware that you just used me but this is VERY, VERY important and we need to talk ASAP”.  

10:30pm–“HELLO THIS ISN’T A JOKE YOU NEED TO HIT ME UP RIGHT NOW”!

11:00pm– “What do you want yo ? Can’t you see I don’t like you like that? That shit was just a one-night thing otherwise I would have been hit you back. I knew from what people was saying you was easy so I went for it and got what every other guy got already from you. I’m not stupid talking about I was your first yea okay 🤣”.

(This made her extremely angry so she told him in a way she didn’t anticipate on telling him).  

11:02pm– “Well your one night “thing” just turned into 18 years dumbass.”  

11:04pm– “Fuck is you talking bout bitch WTF”  

11:05pm– “Oh now you want to text back quick right?”  

11:06pm– “Bitch foh with your lien ass you always been a liar from what I heard and now it’s proven that you are. Plus, you sleep with everyone so idk wtf you talking bout.”  

11:07pm– (She sends a picture of the pregnancy test) “Fuck you deadass I want NOTHING to do with you. & you’re the only person I ever had sex with and you KNOW THIS FOR A FACT because YOU POPPED MY CHERRY you dumb fuck. Fuck you yo I just wanted to let you know that YOU got me pregnant. If you want nothing to do with your kid then that’s on you.  

11:09pm– “You can’t get pregnant your first-time having sex nice try and I pulled out so your dumb asf stop texting me”

She stopped texting and just cried for the rest of the night. Her thoughts wandered into darkness and she felt more alone than she’s ever felt before. She finally fell asleep but when she woke up she came across something that would put her past her breaking point. 

Past The Breaking Point Mark

A viral video went around social media of Danny saying awful things about Janayia. In the video he is with a bunch of his friends and this is what he says

“Aye yo y’all was right about Janayia she funny. She texted me talking about I got her pregnant. (Everyone in the video is laughing) Word to me I aint get that bitch pregnant we had sex ONE time and y’all know she be letting anyone hit that. She a nasty one too bitch was on her period when we did it. Janayia funny yo she more like Janayia cried wolf. Bitch always lying about something but y’all already knew that. She probably aint even pregnant it’s sad”.

It wasn’t long before everyone in school came across the video. She was getting tagged on social media sites with everyone talking down on her. She wanted to defend herself but she wasn’t sure if it was even worth it at this point. She didn’t go to school that day and she really didn’t even want to return. Laying on her bed, Janayia gets a knock on her bedroom door. Her mother opens the door fiercely and by the look on her mother’s face she could tell that the news made it to her before she could tell her herself. 

Her mother asked her if there is anything she needs to know with a stern voice. Janayia sighs and tells her mother everything. From the rumors to the parties to the night with Danny. In shock her mother starts to cry and just holds her daughter in her arms. Her mother looked her daughter into her soul and said

“WE are going to get through this you heard me? As a mother I am supposed to be upset with you right now and you will understand that one day. And even though I am upset, I know you need me more than ever right now. As a mother I love you unconditionally nothing you could do would ever make me leave your side. I birthed you and I grew; this is what you will do from here on out. You will grow no matter what you choose to do.” 

For the first time Janayia felt relief. With the way things are going she thought she would lose her momma too. She told her mother she can’t live with another death on her head so abortion is out of the question. She expressed that adoption didn’t feel right to her either but she wasn’t sure how she could do this. Her mother told her that no one is ready to be a mother at any age but you do whatever you got to do in order to take care of your child. Janayia knew having a baby would mean she would have to make scarifies. Although she wasn’t ready at all she was willing to be, by any means. 

2 Days later,

She started to not care what anyone thinks. It’s time to focus on herself becoming a better person for her baby she will one day have. She returned to school and everyone was in her face. Other girls wanted to fight her because they said it’s disrespectful for her to be lying about Danny like that. Those girls were never a concern to her. She knew they were only acting up because they wanted to be with Danny. Janayia had it so rough in school due to all the rumors that she would eat in the bathroom with the door locked. She couldn’t risk getting into a fight so you never saw her without a teacher or mentor next to her. Part of her wanted to drop out but she knew that wouldn’t be a smart thing to do. She was drained, exhausted, and hurt. She never thought she would ever be happy again. 

5 months later,

For the first time in a long time she grinned with the biggest smile. She felt butterflies that she never once felt before. This is the moment that changed her mindset. Her baby’s first kick instantly changed her way of thinking and feeling. She finally felt she had a purpose in life. People at school were still carrying the rumors, claiming she was just getting fat or stuffing her shirt. Everyone still claimed she was lying but this didn’t affect her anymore. She hasn’t heard a word from her baby’s father and this didn’t seem to bother her either. She started looking from the perspective that it’s his own loss. Her mother kept her word and has been here for her the entire time. Janayia is starting to bloom. 

1 Year later,

Janayia already had her precious baby boy named Messiah after her brother who passed away. She decided to go to adult ed to get away from everyone at that school and to be able to spend more time with Messiah. Her baby boy looks exactly like his biological father and people are still spreading rumors that the baby isn’t his. She doesn’t let it get to her anymore. The only thing that’s ever on her mind now is her baby boy. 

It took time for Janayia to reach the mindset she has now. It’s a mindset she never thought she would obtain. She is now happy and grateful for everything she has been through because it made her the women she is today.

Janayia is now a straight A student in college working on getting her Master’s degree in psychology. Before she knows it, she will be sitting in a room helping others with their problems as she is going to be a psychiatrist. It doesn’t phase her anymore that the people she once knew and dealt with in her past are no longer around. In fact, she rather it be this way. One thing for sure is she never thought she would get the strength to overcome anything she has ever been through but she did and she’s got every reason to be proud of herself for it.

 Janayia’s Tip’s & Advice 

• Don’t ever give up, giving up will lead you down the wrong path stay focused 
• Talk to someone who you are very close with. Had I talked to my mama about everything beforehand I probably wouldn’t have done some of the things I actually went through. 
• Clear your mind when others are putting you down. Engaging in it will only cause more problems for yourself. You know the truth about yourself and that’s all that matters. The thoughts of others have no impact on your future if you don’t allow it to.
• Think ahead instead of behind. Why stay stuck in the past when you are already experiencing your present which will turn into the future. You have the power to let go and move past hard times.
• Know you’re not alone. Even if you have no support just know there is another young female out there that is experiencing some sort of your situation. Let this help you find your inner strength to help one another instead of putting each other down. Everyone has a story.
• Make a list of pros’ and cons. Show yourself visually which side contains more. Sometimes knowing just isn’t enough, seeing it on paper could really open your eyes.
• Keep your mind busy. Do something you love or get a job to help you keep your mind off of hard situations. Trust me this does help.

If you need help in anyway call 211 (this is a free confidential hot line that helps people across North America find local resources they need, 24 hours a day 7 days a week)